In 2017, I made a lot of mistakes. I’ve grown. I’ve failed. I have kissed a lot of frogs – although some were pretty cute. I’ve learned to truly embrace my flaws and recognize them as things that make me unique. All of these experiences taught me valuable things.
Living My Best Life: Lessons I Learned In 2017
Bad days are allowed.
I usually try to be a positive person, but no one is positive all the time. I’m not sure when I heard and decided that I had to be that way every day. It was exhausting. It’s okay not to be okay, as long as you don’t dwell in that negativity.
I am enough.
As confident as I think I am, I still have moments of self doubt or moments where I lack self-confidence. At the beginning of the year I remember saying I loved my natural hair, but I still didn’t want people to see it. It wasn’t long enough. My curls weren’t popping like that girl on Instagram. What if someone made fun of it?
I can’t compare myself – whether it be hair, finances, body, career- to anyone else. As soon as I truly believed that, I was free to believe that I was enough. By the summer time, I had a hot rugby player throwing me in the pool – natural hair shrinking in the water – and him playing in my 4c curls poolside, saying how “lovely” my hair was in his New Zealand English.
Real gs move in silence.
Or as the great poet Dwayne Michael Carter, Jr. said: “Real Gs move in silence like lasagna”. Stay with me. I would say I’m pretty open about my life. If someone asks me a question, I’ll answer it honestly. However, this year I watched some people announce some of the plans or dreams they were pursuing and then literally saw people wish these plans and projects nothing but failure. In 2017, I realized that there are so many people who hope you fail rather than wish you succeed. So while I’ll continue to be open I’m gonna keep my projects and plans close to my chest until they’ve come to fruition.
Healthy relationships are vital.
I’m not talking about romantic relationships. We need people who are willing to motivate us and keep us moving in the right direction. Someone told me they had friends and then they have life bonds. Isn’t friendship a lifelong bond? I thought. But then I started listing all of the people I labeled a friend. Many of them have no clue what’s currently going on in my life. I’ve been through some tough things this year, like issues at work and deaths in the family. It was during these times I really saw who I’ve created a life bond with. Some bonded by blood and some via tequila shots taken on sticky floors in bars on Harden St. that no longer exist. They lifted me up mentally and spiritually when I needed words of encouragement, a laugh, a hug, or caffeine.
Sometimes you have to scrap the plan.
And this is coming from the planner girl. I would sometimes frustrate myself when I couldn’t complete my to-do list or the plan didn’t come together just perfectly. However, this year I’ve learned to be flexible and I’ve learned that I can’t control everything. I can only control myself and my reaction to a ruined plan. Sometimes you have to change the plan (mid-way through) to continue the course.
You can’t hurry love
When I go out on dates I inevitably get the question: Why are you single?
I used to say I don’t know or I’m still having fun. However, in the back of my mind, I would repeat the things that exes have told me when I broke up with them: I’m selfish. I don’t know how to love. I’m too independent.
Here’s the thing: I do know how to love. I love my family, my friends (life bonds), and my sweet little pupper. I love life. I just didn’t love them. I am independent, but I am willing to be a unit with a right person – to rely on them and have them lean on me. I’m selfish, but only when it comes to my happiness. I refuse to sacrifice my joy to settle into an ordinary life with an ordinary love. I will be enough for the right person and there’s no need to rush it. While I’m so incredibly happy for all of my friends that are married, or in relationships, there is no expiration date on when I’ll find the one. Maybe 2018 will be my year or maybe it won’t – either way I’m good.
Thanks for reading!
I’ll be back in the new year with new content and ideas for the blog! See you dolls and gents in 2018!